


Chasing Ghosts

by Zygella



Series: Diamond Visits [18]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Also maybe trigger warning???, Angst, F/F, So much angst, That's probably the only thing that isnt angst in this, Yellow gets an animal friend, just be careful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 11:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zygella/pseuds/Zygella
Summary: Yellow and Blue got into a fight. Yellow doesn't think she deserves her anymore.She doesn't think she can do this anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apatheticAbsorption](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apatheticAbsorption/gifts).



> TFW your period makes you super emotional and you just gotta. Show how ANGSTY YOU CAN BE
> 
> Sorry you wanted more happy Diamond content? No fuck you. Be sad. You can have happy stuff later.
> 
> SONG USED: Chasing Ghosts by EDEN

_ I just want you. I just want you, the words I never said but wanted to. _

_ I'm losing you, I'm losing you. But these thoughts won't let you go, they keep running back to you. _

 

They’d gotten into an argument, the first one after everything had happened. And it had been...bad. Very bad. She’d run off to sulk here, in this forest, the song  _ Chasing Ghosts  _ on a never ending loop in her head, reminding her of everything she’d now lost. She’d been here for weeks. She’d been alone for weeks. Well, alone was… debatable. She’d made a single friend from the forest wildlife. A female deer that had come to her for help, of all things. She shared her golden colors now. But that was it, just her, and no one else. Nothing else. 

 

_ Chasing, ghosts. _

_ Chasing, ghosts. _

_ Chasing, ghosts. _

_ Chasing, ghosts. _

 

She’d given the animal a name, but it slipped her mind at the moment. Her eyes were clouded and dull, no light, no hope. The fight… she couldn’t even remember what the fight was about at this point. She just… had to leave. The look on Blue’s face was enough to shatter her happiness for the rest of time. Knowing that anger and hurt was because of her. She ran, after, too. Ran to Earth. She didn’t even tell any of the Crystal Gems or Steven she was here. Slipped in quietly, and isolated herself from any person. 

 

_ I just want you (chasing, ghosts) I just want you (chasing, ghosts) I just want you (chasing, chasing). _

 

She regretted every word she said. The memory was a blur in her head, she’d tried her best to forget it. But the image of Blue looking at her like that… it killed her every time. She didn’t think Blue really wanted to see her ever again after it. Not that she could bear to bring herself back anyways. She’d hurt the one she loved the most… how could anyone forgive themselves for that?

 

_ And now I'm bleeding words, they escape me the recoil it hurts. _

_ And I can't look the other way, I'm chasing starlight to find it's died away. _

_ Breathe it in. It's just snow, we're just falling. And we won't always dream, fall back to nothing. _

_ 'Cause I'm just starting to learn, I've always been chasing ghosts. _

 

It hurt. A lot, so much, it clawed at her chest, the deep pit of hell in her mind, it was tearing her apart. All over a single thing, a single disagreement. But it wasn’t just a disagreement to her. The words unspoken in the underlying text, it told so much more. The hurt in Blue’s tone, telling her she couldn’t deal with her right now.  _ I don’t want to see you in my sights.  _ And Yellow had heard it, loud and clear, it broke her heart to respect such a hurtful request, but she did. Here she was. Alone. Away from the gem she loved so dearly. Away from the gem that she’d hurt. She didn’t deserve her. She never had. It hurt. It hurt.  _ It hurt. _

 

_ I just want you, just want you. _

_ I just want you, just want you, just want you. _

 

Her deer friend was with her in the clearing of the forest she’d called her home for these past weeks. She watched her as tears leaked from the Diamond’s tired, defeated eyes, as they had countless times over since she got here. Yellow was at a dead end. She’d been suffering over this, unable to let herself get away with it. She couldn’t take this hurt anymore.

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

 

A hand, brought up to her chest.

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

 

Fingers gripping at her Diamond.

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

 

“Take care of me for awhile, could you?” She asked her deer friend sorrowfully.

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

 

She yanked until she was gone. Her Diamond fell to the forest floor, embedding itself into the grass. Her deer friend lay curled next to it, and she would not move until she returned. However long it took for her to be whole again.

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

_ Chasing, ghosts _

 

There was movement in the trees. The deer curled closer to her friend protectively. She watched as a blue-colored woman emerged from the greenery, hands cupped over her mouth, tears leaking nonstop from her shiny, hurt eyes. She moved closer, but the deer wouldn’t let her touch the golden diamond.

 

The woman took a shuddering, watery breath as she backed up a little. She sobbed and fell to her knees, barely choking out her words.

 

“Yellow… I’m so sorry… I did this to you… I’m so so sorry…”

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

_ Chasing, ghosts _

 

“Please… if you ever forgive me… come back to me… I miss you, Yellow.”

 

The deer watched as the blue woman continued to break down in front of her. There was nothing she could do for this creature. She was not her friend. She was not her healer. But perhaps, sometime in the future, she could be the healer to her friend.

 

“I came back to you too late…”

 

_ Chasing, ghosts _

_ Chasing, ghosts _

_ Chasing, ghosts _

_ Chasing, chasing _


	2. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cause yall couldn't just let me have some unresolved angst  
> Here you go you greedy bois. Have it. Take everything I own
> 
> take my soul while ur at it smh
> 
> SONG: Reconciliation - [Avatar Soundtrack]

Two months. Two, silent, long months. The deer had kept to her word. She hadn't moved from the golden diamond's side. The blue woman, she had left a week or two ago. Talking about how she had duties to her Gems.  She'd wanted to take her friend with her, but she'd been very adamant not to let the woman get anywhere near her friend. She fulfilled her purpose.

 

The forest was dappled with dew drops from the morning's light rain, some had settled into the deer's golden fur. She flicked an ear, calm, waiting. It was odd, the connection the creature now had to the diamond. She could feel an increase of energy as each day passed, her friend must be close to coming back by now.

 

She was right. It was, perhaps, another few hours, before a radiating, golden glow began to grow. The deer scrambled to get up and give her friend some space to emerge. She watched as her friend reappeared, Diamond glinting in the center of her chest. She looked exactly the same, but a little more at peace than she had been. A small, knowing smile rested on her lips as she regarded the animal with soft eyes.

 

"Hello, Aalraa." Yellow spoke softly, sitting down in the grass and beckoning the deer.

 

Aalraa... yes, that was her name now. She liked it. Aalraa complied with Yellow's beckoning and trotted over, preening as the gem petted her softly. Yellow's smile dropped, and a sigh escaped her lips.

 

"I was gone for awhile, wasn't I."

 

Aalraa moved her head in agreement.

 

"Of course. I've had time to think. About what brought me here. I think... I have to do what's right. As much as it'll hurt. Blue doesn't want to deal with me anymore. It's something Steven taught me. That sometimes, you can't fix things. You just have to go along with what is expected of you." She mumbled.

 

Aalraa let out a snort. Then she shook her head fiercely. She had to let Yellow know that her blue woman friend has been here, had begged for her to come back, but how could she convey such a thing?

 

There was a slight rustle in the brush. Aalraa perked. Had the blue woman returned? Yes, yes she had! But... she wasn't intervening. What was she waiting for?

 

"I still love her above all else, but... she doesn't want me anymore. It's the least I can do to respect that."

 

A blue, saddening aura ripped violently through the clearing, striking Yellow. She gasped, tears beginning to fall, as she turned her head to the source. "...Blue?"

 

Said Gem had abandoned her hiding spot and rushed over to Yellow, only to stop a few steps away. She had tears running nonstop, eyes wide, lip quivering.

 

"Is that... how I made you feel?"

 

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Yellow asked with confusion.

 

“ _ NO!  _ No, stars, no… oh Yellow… Please, forgive me for making you feel so worthless! I never wanted you to leave like this. In the heat of the moment, I said some horrible things, we both said horrible things, but as soon as you ran away, I felt so guilty. But it took me so long to find where you were, you’d disappeared and no one knew where to find you! And… I found you too late. You’d already… already…” Blue broke off, hiccuping sobs escaping her lips again.

 

Yellow cringed, her hand still absentmindedly stroking Aalraa. “You… you saw me…” She made a half-assed gesture. “...Do that?”

 

Blue nodded silently, closing her eyes as she relived the memory.

 

“You weren’t supposed to see that. I’m sorry.” Yellow mumbled, looking away.

 

Blue managed to get her emotional aura in control again, where she took another shaky breath and stepped forward tentatively. Yellow could tell she wanted so desperately to hold her, but she was scared to. Scared of her. That hurt Yellow more than anything she’d been crying about weeks ago.

 

“Please, Blue, come here.” Yellow beckoned gently.

 

Blue let out a wail, taking the final steps towards the golden gem and crushing her in a desperate hug, her fingers gripping at her false clothes, letting out crying sobs as she pushed her head into Yellow’s chest, repeating her mantra of ‘I’m sorry’ while Yellow rested her chin in Blue’s soft hair, stroking her back gently, eyes closed, letting her tears fall as her beloved broke down in her arms. Yellow whispered repeating words of ‘It’s okay’ as she tried to comfort Blue as much as she could.

 

“We’re okay, Blue. We both made some stupid choices, but we’re okay.” Yellow told her firmly but gently.

 

Blue cried on, unable to stop herself. Yellow didn’t let her go. She’d never let her go again. She made sure to demonstrate this. While Blue cried into her chest, she placed firm kisses to the top of her head, while still stroking her back for comfort. Aalraa stood on alert nearby, letting her friend and the blue woman reconcile.

 

Aalraa supposed she should remember her name as Blue. She seemed to be very important to her friend Yellow.

 

Little did she know, Blue was the most important thing to Yellow in the entire universe. And, of course, that Blue felt the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dabbing...... thanks.........

**Author's Note:**

> I TAKE FIC PROMPTS ON DISCORD! So join the discord you cowards: https://discord.gg/9pSaABF
> 
> Also this isn't really fitting in anywhere to the actual Diamond Visits like... universe? Like it's more of an AU for the series. idk. Something that I felt like writing.
> 
> But also I might have Yellow keep her deer friend in other stories that are "canon" to Diamond Visits because. They all need an animal companion. Let me live.


End file.
